Navigating the Journey of Grief: Finding Healing and Hope in Difficult Times

By Savannah Walker, LPC Pending

Grief often feels like this roller coaster that you didn’t sign up for. Some parts, you feel fine and might even enjoy yourself while other parts leave you screaming, scared, and upset. Meanwhile, you’re hanging on for dear life through the ups and downs waiting to get off the ride.

Let’s talk about what grief is, how to honor the pain you feel, and get through it.

What is grief? 

Grief is often associated with the death of a loved one. However, I prefer to define it as our emotional response to loss. This can be loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, life path, health, or any time we have unmet expectations of how life should have gone. Grief happens any time reality collides with our hopes, plans, or sense of security.

What is normal while grieving? 

It’s important to note that there is no “right way” to grieve. We often think of the Hollywood way of grieving- going through a montage of what was, is, and could have been set to a sappy song. Of course, that can be part of it. However, there is a wide range of emotions that can show up through grieving, sometimes even at the same time. You might feel devastated one minute, numb the next, grateful or even relieved. All of this is normal. There is no “right way” to grieve, and no emotion felt during grieving makes you a bad person or a bad griever.

If someone tells you there’s a correct timeline or way to grieve, feel free to grieve the loss of their opinion and move on.

What helps? 

Perhaps most important, I encourage you to give yourself permission to grieve in your own way and on your own timeline. There’s no expiration date.

While there is no “right” way to grieve, I also gently caution against avoiding the grief you feel out of discomfort. Accepting the range of emotions that you feel, however overwhelming or even conflicting, can help process the loss instead of feeling like you’re constantly running from it.

Find your people. Supportive people can make the weight feel less crushing. Find the people who can support your grief. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.

When grief feels crushing, go back to basics. Have you eaten? Have you drunk water? Have you slept enough? Have you moved your body? Have you gotten fresh air? It’s okay to focus on basic needs for a while.

Grief needs outlets, not solutions. It’s tempting to try to approach it with a “gotta fix it” mindset, but grief isn’t a problem to solve, it’s an experience to have. Instead trying to “fix” it, try accepting it and channel it into an outlet, such as art, movement, writing, or even small actions that help you honor what you’re feeling or what you’ve lost.

What doesn’t help? 

For starters, you can’t “positive vibes only” or “just stay strong” your way through grief. Toxic positivity can come from others or yourself but generally leaves you feeling more alone. It can feel dismissive and invalidating. Sure, it might feel easier in the moment to keep busy and stay positive to numb during moments where you’re not able to freely feel, but avoiding grief usually leads to it showing up later, often louder. This level of positivity is usually an attempt to fix it. Remember: don’t fix it, feel it. 

Grief is powerful. It changes us. However, healing is possible, and it doesn’t mean forcing closure or forgetting. Feeling grief doesn’t mean you’re broken, it means you’re human. Though it can feel intense at times, the pain does ease. You are able to build a life that honors what you have lost and find joy.

If you want to explore help in working through grief,

schedule an appointment by contacting our admin team at: 847-854-4333 or admin@owenscounseling.com.