When Everyone Else Seems to Have Plans: Coping with Summer Loneliness
By Kevin Lahey, LSW
It goes without saying that summer, especially for students, tends to be something to look forward to. Warm, sunny weather, spending time outdoors, sporting events, concerts and a ton of other activities. For students, we can even add the fact that they might not have homework and school. With all of that being said, things don’t always work out how we want them to. Despite the fact that we may want to do a bunch of the activities mentioned above with friends, we can’t always count on people to be around. Obviously, other people have their own plans. Maybe a friend is going to be spending the summer across the country with one of their parents. Maybe that concert you wanted to go to lines up with a pre-planned vacation that will take a friend out of town for a couple of weeks. Maybe your friends are still around, but they’re doing something that you really don’t want to do or with a group of people you don’t want to be around. When things like this happen, we end up feeling lonely and when coupled with the fact that some plans may have fallen through, we tend to feel even worse.
At this point, we may feel defeated, left out, forgotten, or even just bored. It’s okay to feel these things, though only up to a point. There is only so much summer, and while things might not change much for many adults, students lose a lot of their free time that they adjusted to when school starts back up and parents are constantly adjusting to having their children or adolescent home during the day with likely less activities to do. So, in my view, there’s a few options here!
First, we could sulk in our rooms for a few weeks and get nothing done, or second, we could embrace that time alone to do things for ourselves that make us feel accomplished and happy. Personally, I think the second option sounds a fair bit better. Time alone, while lonely, can simultaneously be super valuable. We can use that time for us to set and work towards goals we’ve been wanting to meet, like reading more books, checking out new bands, or trying new games. It can also become a time for us to learn some new skills or practice older ones. For those of us who have the money to spend and the desire to go somewhere, it’s also a good time to work on our confidence by going out somewhere on our own, like the movies or to lunch at a restaurant you’ve been wanting to try. Take control and use the time how you choose to!
Ultimately, it all comes down to perspective. Sure, we can choose to look at loneliness as just a horrible feeling, and we can also look at it as an opportunity to grow and get to know ourselves even better. What’s cool about this is that it’s also something we get to choose, and what’s even cooler is the fact that we don’t even need to get rid of the bad feelings at all. We can feel a little down and still do things to better ourselves which I think is a pretty freeing idea. If you’ve found yourself dealing with some particular sticky summer loneliness or have been having trouble identifying things you want to work on for yourself, reach out to us here at Owens Counseling & Therapy! Our team has decades of experience in dealing with these sorts of feelings between all of us, and we’d love to help you get yourself to a happier place in your life.
With offices in Lake in the Hills, St. Charles, Schaumburg, and Collinsville, Illinois (plus telehealth), our team is here to help you build the connections, confidence, and support system you deserve!
View the list of our clinicians to see who you feel like you would connect with the most.
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