Debunking Common Myths About Emotions 

By: Lori Kaniewski, NCC, LCPC (IL), LPC (MO) 

Emotions. We all feel them. All the time. Lucky us! 

So, what are emotions? Why do we feel them? What are they for? And what do we do with them? There is too much to say on all that in a single blog post. I could talk about emotions for hours! (Literally.) Emotions are a core part of the human experience. They influence our thoughts, behaviors, relationships, and decisions.  

To start this discussion, let’s look at some common myths about emotions from DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and RO-DBT (Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and explore the general purpose and function of emotions. 

Myths about emotions: 

  • There is a right way to feel in every situation. 
  • Letting others know what I am feeling inside is a sign of weakness. 
  • Negative feelings are bad and destructive. 
  • Emotions are negative or positive. 
  • Being emotional means being out of control. 
  • Some/most emotions are stupid. 
  • All painful emotions are a result of a bad attitude. 
  • If others don’t approve of my feelings, I obviously shouldn’t feel the way I do. 
  • Other people are the best judges of how I am feeling. 
  • Painful emotions are not important and should be ignored. 
  • Extreme emotions get you a lot further than trying to regulate your emotions. 
  • Creativity requires intense, often out-of-control emotions. 
  • Drama is cool. 
  • It is unauthentic to try to change my emotions. 
  • Other people are responsible for helping me feel better. 
  • Emotional truth is what counts, not factual truth. If I feel it’s true, it must be true. 
  • People should do whatever they feel like doing. 
  • Acting on your emotions is the mark of a truly free individual. 
  • My emotions are who I am. 
  • My emotions are why people love me. 
  • Emotions can just happen for no reason. 
  • Emotions should always be trusted. 
  • We make our best decisions when emotions are kept out of it. 
  • Emotions should be controlled completely. 
  • Most people dislike emotional people. 
  • Feeling happy or excited is naïve of childish. 
  • Love is only a chemical reaction. 
  • It is important to never let another person know what you are really feeling inside. 
  • People who feel happy are liars. 
  • Happiness should be the goal of life. 
  • If you ignore emotions, they’ll go away. 
  • Emotions are universal and the same for everyone. 
  • Children are too young to understand their emotions. 
  • We can think our way out of emotions. 

Primary Functions or Purposes of Emotions/What Emotions Do for Us: 

  • They motivate (and organize) us for action and making decisions. 
    • Emotions motivate our behavior – each emotion has a unique action urge or response tendency that evolved to enhance our survival. The action urge of specific emotions is “hard-wired” in biology. For example, anger… it can protect us and those we care about. 
    • Emotions help us make quick decisions about the world without having to spend a great deal of time thinking about it. For example, fear… it can save our lives in fractions of seconds! 
    • Emotions communicate to us and provide valuable information on what is best for us. Emotions can be signals or alarms that something is happening or that we need to do something differently. Figuring that out can be tricky, if we do not have a relationship with our emotions. 
  • They communicate our inner experience and signal our intentions. 
    • Our species survival depended upon signaling cooperation to other members of our species in order to form tribes to fight enemies/predators, share valuable resources, and work together to achieve long-term goals that would be impossible in isolation. 
    • We have more facial muscles than any other species and we are capable of making ten thousand different expressions. Facial expressions communicate faster than words. Whether we intend to or not, our communication of emotion influences others. RO-DBT refers to this as social signaling. 
  • They facilitate empathetic responding and the formation of strong social bonds. 
    • Our brain’s mirror neurons will automatically micro-mimic the facial expressions of a person we are interacting with, leading us to experience empathy for how someone else is feeling. If we can sense how someone is feeling we are more likely to respond with empathy and treat them as we would like to be treated, facilitating connection. As Sia sings, in her “Unstoppable” song… “I’ve heard that to let your feelings show is the only way to make friendships grow.” 

Our emotions are an integral part of who we are, and the myths surrounding them can limit our emotional growth and well-being. By challenging these misconceptions and embracing the complexity of our emotional experiences, we can develop a healthier relationship with our feelings. Emotions are not something to be feared, avoided, or controlled – they are something to be understood, expressed, and integrated into our lives in a way that enhances our overall well-being. 

If you would like more support in developing an understanding of your emotions, our talented therapists at Owens Counseling are here to guide you in that journey.  

If you are ready to begin your journey in developing a relationship with your emotions, a great book to read is Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown. It is a wonderful book to kick start this adventure! 

 

Resources: 

DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets by Marsha Linehan 

RO DBT Skills Training Manual by Thomas R. Lynch 

~ Want help support sorting through your emotions? Call our team to schedule with us at 847-854-4333 ~