By: Erin Owens, Master Level Clinical Intern 12/18/2024

Forming New Habits

What about this time of year stirs in us a desire to change—to be better, to strive for improvement? Even as a child in elementary school, I remember doing class activities that involved writing New Year’s Resolutions. Culture has engrained in us the notion that change happens once a year at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, and boy, we better “go big or go home.” Well, we know the rest of the story. We fall prey to it every year. We have big hopes and expectations for change, followed by little to no follow-through, leading to what we see as yet another failure. It’s no wonder January can be so depressing. So, how do we change the deeply ingrained habit of Great Expectations followed by Great Failure? First, we need to understand how change and forming new habits happen. I don’t pretend to know the first thing about brain science, but I do know that the battle begins with the brain. If you google how to form new habits or change your routine, you will find that many articles and blogs will mention the cycle of “cue, routine, and reward,” also known as “the habit loop.”

Okay, what is the habit loop, and how does the notion of cue, routine, and reward help me? Well, it starts with the cue. The cue is a trigger that jogs your memory to think about that new goal. For instance, let’s say you want to read more in 2025. A cue could be placing a book you intend to read in a deliberate place to serve as a reminder so that every time you walk past it, you are reminded that tonight at 7:00 pm, instead of watching Netflix, you will read. Routine is the actual act of reading; it is the action or the follow-through. Most experts will tell you that timing is key in habit forming. So, if your goal is to read every evening, it should ideally be done at the same time to instill its repetitive nature into your mind. Lastly is the reward. Your brain sends reward signals to your brain for fulfilling the habit, and thus, a seedling of a habit is born. When this sequence of events plays itself out repeatedly, it becomes engrained in the brain, until one evening, without realizing it, your brain has gone on autopilot, and you have instinctively picked up your book instead of reaching for the remote.

Sounds so simple, right? Well, why do we continue to reach for the remote? There are several reasons, but one in particular that stands out is that we don’t have realistic expectations, which is compounded with impatience. We need to start with a patient mindset. We set our sights too high and are quickly disappointed and defeated when we misstep or slip up. If your goal is to eat healthier in 2025, start small and remember slow and steady wins the race. You will have setbacks…let me repeat that, you will have setbacks but it’s about what you do with that setback that will determine whether you will meet your goal or not. Temper your expectations and realize that change takes time and is different for everyone; there is often a trial-and-error period where you are figuring out the kinks. Stick with it, plan your cues and your reminders, try to be consistent, do whatever it is at the same time every day, and reflect on your victories and your losses. Encourage yourself with positive self-talk or a friendly reminder on your phone or sharing your accomplishment with a friend. Maybe place a sticky note with words of encouragement on it someplace you will see it after whether you’ve succeeded or failed.

Habits are personal and carry value and meaning whether we realize it or not. What do your habits say about you, and are they getting you where you want to be in life? Just remember, you have the capacity for change. No one else can do it for you. Start small and slow, and be amazed at what you are capable of. Celebrate your victories and take your defeats in stride.

What if one of our resolutions this year was to become more patient with ourselves as we work on forming new habits, recognizing that change is a process that takes time and effort? In a world of instant everything, is it a wonder that we want change to happen instantly? I don’t know about you, but I’ve found that the most powerful changes in my life, the ones that stick, the ones that mean the most, have taken a lot of patience and time. So, let’s train our brain with cues, routines, and rewards, but let’s also be kind and patient with ourselves in the process.

Let us help you build new habits! Give us a call at
847-854-4333 to set up an appointment or email at admin@owenscounseling.com.