Lunchbox Anxiety: How Food, Nutrition, and Routine Affect Emotional Wellbeing for Parents & Students
By: Sherry Catey Hayman, LPC
Along with the excitement of going back-to-school comes the anxiety of packed lunches. For parents, some can feel like a packed lunch represents how good of a parent they are. For students, it often feels like it can represent how well they fit in with their peers. These different types of concerns can interfere with the student’s ability to learn. Not only does what a student eats impact how they feel, but there are social pressures that impact what they eat. This dynamic can lead to lower school performance, reduced social interactions, and diminished emotional wellbeing.
A students’ mood, focus, memory, thought clarity and energy are impacted by how nutritious the mid-day meal is. Social anxiety and environmental overwhelm are also contributors to a student’s brain’s optimal functioning. Believe it or not – eating to fit-in with friends and peers is important to students’ overall wellbeing.
Parents have reported feeling anxiety about creating the “perfect” packed lunch. Worries such as how nutritionally healthy the lunch is are prominent. There are also concerns about how well the meal will keep them focused, well-behaved, and able to learn. Parents also wonder whether their children are developing healthy and consistent eating habits.
Parents pragmatic concerns include will the lunch stay safe to eat? Will their child be full until the end of the day? And will they eat everything, or will some of the food come home to be disposed? There are also concerns about how much does their student like the lunch? Is it too similar to yesterday’s lunch? Is there enough variety in the foods packed? Is a treat okay to pack? Should a note be included? Though the “what do you want for lunch?” or “how was your lunch” questions sound simple, they can often lead to anxiety and frustration for both parent and child/teen! No one wants to go hungry throughout the day and no one wants to come home with a full lunch that they didn’t eat because they didn’t like it.
Worrying that a school lunch shows how good of a parent they are can lead to more stress and lower wellbeing. Does this lunch show their child how loved they are? Does it show how good of a parent they are? Is their effort noticeable? How does this lunch compare with other kids’ lunches? Did the parent put in enough planning, time, effort, and care? Does the parent care enough or too much? Will other adults and kids judge this lunch? Truth is, it is okay if sometimes convenience is chosen over a “healthy” packed lunch! Often, something is better than nothing!
Students’ worries include thoughts about the food itself and its consumption. Will there be enough to eat? Will they like what is in their lunch? Will they be made fun of for what is in their lunch? Will they have enough time to eat? School can become hectic and overwhelming quickly, which can impact lunch time!
There are also worries by students about social challenges. Will there be anyone to eat with? Will what they eat be too different from other kid’s lunches? Will the cafeteria be too loud or too crowded? These concerns can cause anxiety and lower their emotional wellbeing. Often, lunch is seen as a time to socialize, though that is not always the case for every student.
Most parents are aware of what foods are healthy and are able to organize balanced meals. Remembering the social enjoyment of a meal is also essential. The challenge is finding ways to balance the desired results of nutrition with the challenges of social influences and realistic barriers. Busy families can take actionable steps to improve their wellbeing related to school lunches. Parents can work with students to reduce both of their anxiety about packing lunches.
Parents can begin by talking openly with their children about school lunch. Students and parents can aim for progress, not perfection! Working together to agree on a minimum lunch that includes 2-3 tolerable yet nutritious foods that kids will eat regularly and enjoy can calm concerns about what is in the lunchbox, on both sides. Conversation about what foods kids like, as well as what is boring but acceptable can result in a running list of options displayed on the fridge for an easy framework to create a quick meal when anxiety is high. Keeping back-up options available when favorites run low can reduce the stress of packing.
Families working together to remind each other not to criticize their food choices can develop a positive relationship with food. Identifying foods that not only have the needed nutrients for healthy brain functioning, a positive mood, and plenty of energy, but are also available, enjoyable, appropriate and help support your brain are important to can help improve overall mental health and wellbeing.
Additionally, students can cope ahead by planning ahead where to sit in the cafeteria – do they want a quiet corner or to sit with a group of friends. Verifying with parents that students can open/close their food packaging – such as a thermos, bento box, or pre-packaged food – can improve their confidence too! It’s never fun being excited for lunch just to not be able to open the container.
Reviewing the family calendar can help parents find the best time for their family to pack lunches together. This can reduce the stress and panic of last-minute packing. This type of coping ahead can be improved by prepping food ahead of the morning rush. When the morning starts with emotional equilibrium, the school-day is set-up for a successful start!
Parents can work to change their outlook with solid measures instead of perceived judgements. What are the facts? Has the lunchbox come home empty? Was their child hungry when they arrived at home? What rating does their kid give the lunch? Steps like these can help parents move from seeking to provide an A+ lunch as graded on an imaginary exam, to building a foundation of mental health supporting emotional regulation, optimal brain function, resiliency, high energy, strong memory, and low irritability that increases their whole family’s emotional wellbeing.
Additionally, avoiding social media curated to provide flawless, aesthetic meals, while actively reminding themselves of real-world barriers can help parents reduce the pressure of judgement before school even begins. However, conversation with their children about social comparison of lunches can help parents understand the needs of their children can optimize their connection and improve familial wellbeing. Though it may sound small, asking your child/teen these questions can be a great way to check in with them!
The packed lunchbox is not an accurate measure of a good parent. It is a daily opportunity to connect with your child to care for their growing body and busy brain. Every child comes to the lunch table with different needs, appetites, preferences, and experiences. Some children eat everything, some eat almost nothing, and others socialize so much they don’t have time to finish. Parents balance their responsibilities delicately, and packing a “perfect” lunch that is balanced and also Pinterest-worthy every day may not be realistic for most. This is not a reflection of their parenting effort. A lunch that gets eaten is often more valuable than one that checks every nutritional box, but comes home untouched. A lunch that is eaten is more valuable than a lunch that looks perfect. Improving together, step-by-step through small, consistent changes can have a meaningful impact over time to improve both parent and child’s emotional wellbeing. Progress matters more than perfection.
Parents – don’t forget to make sure that you have a lunch for yourself as well!
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