Self-Care Beyond Bubble Baths: What it Really Means & Can Be
By Kevin Lahey, LSW
“Self-Care” is one of those terms that’s starting to get tossed around a lot more. Whether we have friends who’ve talked about it or watched something online, chances are, we’ve heard the term before. That’s great and all, but what does “self-care” really mean?
Self-care, broadly speaking, is the process by which we take care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. Even then, that definition is still pretty broad, but I think it provides a good foundation for all of us to start practicing our own self-care. Part of effective self-care is understanding what you, as an individual, need. I could spend another hundred paragraphs giving precise definitions, but ultimately, self-care is what you need it to be at that moment. It is an ever-evolving practice because our lives are ever-evolving. Something that brought you calm as a child might not bring you calm any more. I, for one, used to love playing in the sand, but now? I’d be miserable trying to get sand out of my shoes, so it wouldn’t be super relaxing any more.
What could be a useful starting point for a lot of us is realizing what self-care isn’t. By knowing what we shouldn’t be doing, it makes it a bit easier to choose the things we should.
Self-care does not just mean doing something that soothes us or calms us down. Self-care is not an excuse to drink a case of beer or stay up all night playing whatever game you’ve been wanting to play. Sure, those things may calm us down, but I think we can all agree that, if anything, actions like that are going to only make things in life worse/more difficult.
Self-care is not always easy. We love the traditional idea of self-care being a relaxing spa day or spending time with friends and while it can oftentimes be those things, we have to recognize that self-care can be tough. Proper self-care can mean making changes to how we currently do things, and I know from experience that change isn’t always easy.
Self-care is not laziness. We all know how easy it can be to zone out on our phones or how easy it can be to let the dishes sit for one more day, but we can’t use self-care as an excuse to waste our days away or let other things in our life fall by the wayside.
I could go on and on about what self-care isn’t, but I’d like to think that anyone reading this gets the point. Instead, I want to use some space to give some examples of self-care that we might not always consider.
One of my favorite forms of self-care that we oftentimes don’t consider is setting boundaries. Obviously, that doesn’t mean being rude to others, but standing by your values and looking out for yourself is perfectly fine. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that it could be the most important form of self-care we learn. Life is a balancing act of trying new things and creating routines, but we have to learn to enforce our boundaries so we don’t lose our sense of self. Like I said, it might not always be easy, as it could mean having a difficult conversation with a friend or family member, but setting boundaries and doing so respectfully and tactfully can be a self-care practice that springboards us to a more comfortable and happy place in life.
One other one I’d like to highlight is setting goals. People, as a whole, tend to like routine and comfort, but we also need things to strive for in life. These don’t always need to be big goals, like finishing medical school or winning an Oscar. They can be things like going for a 30-minute walk twice a week, or learning a song on whatever instrument you play. While we like our routine, part of us wants to be moving forward, and it’s best to do that with a goal in mind. When we take the time to set those goals and get in touch with even the smaller things we want in life, we feel better about what we do and to me, that’s what self-care is all about!
To close this out, just remember that self-care, like I said, isn’t always easy. It can be tough to set boundaries, find goals, and even reach those goals, but what matters is that we persist. Self-care, when done properly, allows us to persevere through difficult processes/circumstances and come out on the other end even stronger. I’d be remiss if I didn’t also mention that therapy can be a massively impactful form of self-care. Sometimes, having another person to bounce thoughts and opinions on goals and boundaries off of can make a huge difference, and therapy can be the place to do that, especially in an impartial way.
Just remember, while self-care may not always be easy, what matters is that we continue to take steps in the right direction and keep picking away at the difficulties in our life.
Want to plan self-care acts together? We’re here for it! View the list of our clinicians to see who you feel like you would connect with the most.
Contact us with whichever method you prefer:
📞 847-854-4333