The Pressure to “Be the Provider”: How Financial Stress Impacts Men’s Mental Health
By Zach Devore, LCPC
When examining men’s mental health, one of the common themes that comes up revolves around finances and managing financial burdens. While this stress can impact all people, of any gender identity or sexuality, there are historical implications when it comes to men’s mental health. For many years men were expected to be the financial providers for their families. While times have changed, these lessons were often passed from older generations to their offspring and so the impact still lingers.
When we look at exploring the impact of financial stress on men’s mental health we need to look at it from two different sources of stress. The first is the practical nature of financial stress, this form of stress is not strictly unique and can be felt by anyone struggling with financial concerns. The second aspect of financial stress has to do with the beliefs that some men carry, the pressure of “needing to be the breadwinner” and can lead to feelings of insecurity.
The Impact of Finances on Mental Health
Finances can play a massive role in the way that people experience mental health. While the old saying states that “money can’t buy you happiness” it is sadly true that money plays a critical role in the day to day lives of people in society. The stress associated with finances is something that can be felt by anyone regardless of gender or socio-economic status. Financial stress can be unique because the ways to mitigate the stress often depend on the individuals specific circumstances.
When I work with individuals on stress, I tend to focus on two areas. Things that we can control and things that we cannot. Sometimes financial stress is entirely within our control, it is a simple matter of sitting down and working on setting a budget and sticking to that budget. Other times, the source of the stress is outside of our control. When the source of the financial stress is dependent on employment it is possible that the stress is partly or wholly outside of our control.
Regardless of the source of stress (within our control or outside of our control), this stress can lead to;
- Difficulty sleeping
- Anxiety attacks
- Increased irritability
- Marital Conflict
- Hyperfixation
- And more.
The Unique Relationship Between Masculinity and Finances
For many years there was a strong link between financial status and masculinity. Men were expected to be the financial providers, the “bread winner”. This put a lot of pressure on men to earn the most amount of money as possible, often at the cost of their own time to enjoy life outside of work or from spending time with their family. For many years this was even a plot of major motion pictures, the overworked dad who was too busy working to spend time with his kids. In the movies the dad learns the value of family and that spending time with his kids is more important than spending time at the office. Sadly, this does not always happen in the real world.
While times have changed, old mentalities sometimes take even longer to change. Many men still feel the pressure to be the top earner in their family, and if they find themselves in a time of struggle they can view this as a threat to their masculinity. Oftentimes when men experience this it results in them feeling less valued and seen by current or potential romantic partners. This can lead to intense feelings of guilt and shame and can result in negative behavioral changes.
Insecurity
Insecurity is one of the most common negative behavior changes as a result of financial stress in men. There are two primary forms of insecurity. The first form involves the man feeling like he is not enough in comparison to friends or peers. This insecurity can lead to a withdrawal from social situations or a reluctance to talk about work or any form of finances with friends. Depending on the amount of stress this can also lead to a withdrawal from social activities due to fear of not being able to afford things in a way that is expected of them.
The second type of insecurity is the type that impacts relationships. Historically as women entered the work place, households became two income families and eventually it was the case that a man’s wife would make more money than him. This can lead to feelings of jealousy, anger, guilt, or shame that can have negative impacts on the relationship if they are allowed to fester and infiltrate the way that the husband communicates with his wife. Even when men state that they do not care or mind that their wives make more than them, there can fear of what peers or family members will say, or they still might find that they have a strong negative emotional reaction based on those historical beliefs.
How to Manage Stress Regarding Finances
When it comes to managing financial stress there are a few ways to address the practical aspects of financial stress. If the financial stress if based on something within your control, focus on those areas that you can control. Often times it helps to start small to avoid feeling overwhelmed. If it involves something outside of your control, acceptance strategies can be very helpful.
When it comes to men who are struggling with the concepts of financial status being tied to masculinity that is more complex. Ultimately it is important to remember that a person’s value is not tied to their financial status, that there are many other qualities that people look for in a person. These feelings can be difficult and overwhelming at times, and it is always important to seek help if you find yourself struggling.
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